Contact – LINK Relationships

LET’S CONNECT

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The first step is the easiest to make.

It’s our time to meet to discuss your marriage. It’s not a sales call. I look forward to speaking with you.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do you work with clients in person or over video conferencing?

I use Zoom with the majority of my clients. In-person, private workshops over two days are an option for couples desiring immediate help and relief. I am working on the details. Let me know if you are interested.

Do you see clients on evenings or weekends?

I do work with clients on Saturdays. Depending on your time zone, I might work with you in the evenings. However, in my time zone, I schedule sessions for when my brain is at its best, which is earlier in the day.

What time zone are you in?

I am in the Pacific Time Zone, but I work with clients nationally.

Are you married?

33 years and counting! I rarely wear my wedding ring due to skin sensitivities, so this is a common question.

How long will it take to start seeing a difference in our marriage?

Some people have a positive shift during the first session. For others, they begin to experience benefits within the first weeks. Others it takes longer.

There are many variables, but I do know this. The sooner we begin working together, the sooner you will have less hurt and more stability in your marriage.

How long will this take?

It depends on what “this” is. Each client has unique goals and different levels of capacity to reach them when they begin.

The range is often between four months and two years, but that does not mean we are meeting every week for two years. During the initial period, we meet regularly, and then as you build the skills, the sessions are less often.

Some issues take more time to unravel and replace with new patterns than others. However, clients feel better along the way, so it’s not a chore to come; it’s progress, they see it and feel good about it. We don’t talk in circles, we move forward.

My goal is for you not to need me. You already have one long-term relationship commitment, you don’t need one with me as well 🙂 We work together to get you up and running in a supportive and enjoyable relationship ASAP.

Last piece to know. Some clients have been with me for over five years, but that’s not because they have been in bad shape for five years. It’s because they are doing well and growing in all areas of life, and they see and desire the benefits of coaching.

Will we be talking about feelings all of the time?

No, not all of the time. Yes, some of the time. Our emotions are messengers of important information, just like other sensations in your body, like hunger, so they are part of our work, but only part. We cover a wide variety of helpful and important topics, feelings are just one of many of these.

When I started this work, I felt like I had two emotions, and that was plenty. I remember how off-putting it all was. Now I am much more emotionally attuned to myself and others, but I still deeply understand clients who are not fluent in the language of emotions. I work with them using great care and respect.

What if my spouse doesn’t want to talk or attend a session?

To create something new in a marriage, it takes one person interested in learning new patterns. Relationships are ecosystems; when something new is introduced, a chain of events follows.

Additionally, your spouse is welcome to attend our session to watch and listen. Talking is not required. A lot of learning can happen from being an observer.

I work with individuals and couples. It’s okay if this is not what your spouse wants to do right now. You can begin the transformation whenever you are ready.

I am so tired of being blamed. I’m afraid that’s what sessions will be like. Is this true?

This is a common concern. Blaming and shaming are off limits in our sessions. So is name-calling. I don’t communicate with you in any of those ways, and I don’t allow spouses to do it to each other. I model and teach how to communicate your ideas and concerns in different ways than using shame or blame.

However, I know that some people feel blamed and shamed even when no one is blaming or shaming them. That is a real thing (I used to experience this regularly), and it’s so important to work through. Sometimes I spot it happening in a session with a client and will address it, but some people hide it very well. I request my clients tell me when they are feeling blamed or shamed, or shut down. That is a special opportunity to make significant progress in those moments.

I’ve heard of people going to marriage counseling for years, and it didn’t work.

Yeah, I have seen that as well. Honestly, I get a bit mad and a bit sad when I hear about it.

There are a lot of master’s programs still teaching ineffective methods to work with marriages. It seems there are two methods that keep getting repeated. The first is the blame game. Two people gang up on the third person. The second is the therapist/counselor/coach so afraid of blaming or conflict or losing clients that they follow their training and stay as neutral as possible. Neutrality often leads to not telling the truth, lots of repetitive talking, and little progress.

I combine truth and love when I work with my clients. I don’t blame you or hit you with a verbal stick, but I also don’t look the other way when a client is tripping over their own feet and not able to see what they are doing. Truth and love are the answer. Connecting through the truth with understanding and compassion, that’s what I do. Speaking with truth and love, combined with specific tools that you can use to heal and grow your relationship, is what makes the difference. Your time and money, and hopes are not wasted when we work together.

Will this work for my marriage? I’m wondering if we are too far gone.

You know what I have found interesting? Some couples come to get help, one person wants to stay married, and the other is ready to be done. And they arrive wanting enough support and tools that they can work through this, and try to have a consensus of what to do, or they want to have enough skill to end it without chaos, and be able to co-parent without tearing each other apart. And for some people, while they are doing this work, they start to see and understand each other in a way they have not been able to do so previously. And they decide to stay together and build something new.

We won’t know what your story will be until we start the work and see what happens.

What if my spouse is the one who needs to change?

When you change, in the vast majority of cases they begin to change as well. We are interdependent in our relationship ecosystems. When you put something new into this system, it creates a small change that will lead to other changes. It’s powerful.

What if I’m angry, but I don’t know why? I’m not sure what else to tell you.

You did great. “I’m angry and I don’t know why,” is all we need to start. I will take it from there. This is such a valuable question. So many people believe that they need to come to see me with explanations or reasons for how they are feeling. Nope. You don’t. You are having feelings. No explanation or justification needed.

Anger is a great emotion to discover. This one provides so much information to help us figure out what is happening inside of you and in your marriage. Bring it. Let’s do it.

I don’t want to be told to “try harder” or just accept it. Is this what will happen?

I agree. That’s no good. We can spend years “trying harder,” but without clear guidance, effective tools, and increasing our skills, our “trying harder” will just make us more furious or defeated.

And “just accept it” is an ingredient for resentment to build. Effective marriages are somewhere between “just accept it” and demanding perfection. There is a wide swath of wonderful possibilities between those positions.

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The first step is the easiest to make.

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